A Fleeting Thought- The Idea of Edward Cullen

I’ve read the twilight saga twice- yes, I know it’s obsessive, but who could resist Edward Cullen? I certainly can’t. But as I reflected the glory that is Edward Cullen, I realized, it was not the vampire with a silver Volvo that appealed to me most. It was the thought, the idea, the hope that somewhere there might be someone, who could love another with the same intensity of love- maybe even more.

I may be very idealistic when I say that I dream of a guy who would be capable of loving me without having any downfalls or any kind of price to pay in exchange for that amount of love. I dream of a guy who could love me in as much intensity, in as much love I am ever capable of giving another. To whom I can be totally selfless knowing that I wouldn’t end up being a martyr, because my love is being reciprocated. I want to have that chance of feeling wanted, like I don’t have to push myself to him for him to notice me. To have that chance of feeling being cared for, secure, without any fear of heartaches. This kind of ideal may be very selfish to some point of view, but I’d rather be selfish and honest than drown in disillusion of any other kind of ideal. I don’t want to continue lying to myself that I’m not as idealistic in relationships. It’s not Edward Cullen I had fallen in love with, it’s the idea of Edward Cullen that had me head over heels.

Confessions of a Broken Heart

I used to be good with words. I used to be able to express my thoughts, my feelings, my very being, effortlessly putting them to words. Now, I find myself unable to write. It's not because I don't know the right words but because even when I do, they fail to express the deep yet hollowed feelings that come with those words. I am not in the state of depression- no, depression is too strong and sad word to describe me. All I am, is a girl who have loved another in a way thatI did not even know was possible. When I was young, I thought that I'd NEVER be able to love another in such a way that would overcome all odds, accept all pain and not once would I doubt my feelings. But now I realize just how wrong I was. I have come to love another and felt with full force just how deep and strong that love was and still is. Even after all the pain, some bitter memories, and some failed expectations, when it all came down to that one fateful night, all my mind could think about was: "I don't want to lose this! I don't ever want to lose this!" And yet, I have to do what I needed to do. The statement "My world just came crashing down" would be an understatement of what I am feeling. Yes, it's melodramatic but if you could be in my place at this very moment you would know just how true these words are. I wish this isn't how I'm feeling but reality is: I am feeling this way. I wish I could numb myself and forget about those painful memories but that would make me a coward. And I am not. All I can do is to wait for that one day. And when that day comes, I will still love him with even more force that my heart is capable of conveying. I may be stupid and I might not have learned my lesson but if it hurts me this much then this can't be the end. If I can't have my happy ever after then I'm damn sure that I'll have my happy beginning.