A Fleeting Thought- The Idea of Edward Cullen

I’ve read the twilight saga twice- yes, I know it’s obsessive, but who could resist Edward Cullen? I certainly can’t. But as I reflected the glory that is Edward Cullen, I realized, it was not the vampire with a silver Volvo that appealed to me most. It was the thought, the idea, the hope that somewhere there might be someone, who could love another with the same intensity of love- maybe even more.

I may be very idealistic when I say that I dream of a guy who would be capable of loving me without having any downfalls or any kind of price to pay in exchange for that amount of love. I dream of a guy who could love me in as much intensity, in as much love I am ever capable of giving another. To whom I can be totally selfless knowing that I wouldn’t end up being a martyr, because my love is being reciprocated. I want to have that chance of feeling wanted, like I don’t have to push myself to him for him to notice me. To have that chance of feeling being cared for, secure, without any fear of heartaches. This kind of ideal may be very selfish to some point of view, but I’d rather be selfish and honest than drown in disillusion of any other kind of ideal. I don’t want to continue lying to myself that I’m not as idealistic in relationships. It’s not Edward Cullen I had fallen in love with, it’s the idea of Edward Cullen that had me head over heels.

DECIPHERING A MAN’S MIND

Men often complain how hard it is to understand a woman. What they don’t know is that they, too, test a woman’s sanity in trying to comprehend what language they speak. In one of my conversations with my friends, we often wonder what goes on inside a man’s mind, what his motives are, or why on earth is he doing such things. Try as we might to comprehend, to get a clue as to what goes into the inner workings of their minds, we can’t seem to grasp the exact reasons behind their actions.

Men and their “too friendly” nature. There are times that we meet a guy who acts a little more friendly than necessary. At first we think nothing of it until we find ourselves gushing over him despite our mind’s protests. In our eyes, he seemed to stare at you a little too long, hold your hand a little tighter, care for you a little more than necessary, wants to have a conversation with you even without a real topic. He will leave you in a daze. And with one quick turn of events, he leaves you hanging and your left questioning yourself whether or not you have fabricated all of that yourself or if it really did happen. Your sanity would be put to question and all you have are memories and that you don’t even have a solid proof. Was he just being friendly? Didn’t he notice that your smile was a little sweeter, your gaze seem to fall to him despite your desperate effort not to look at him, that you put a little more effort for him. In the end, you’re left with more questions than answers, left wondering what the heck happened to him.

Boys will be boys. Most women- not to generalize all women, can’t seem to comprehend this “boys will be boys” notion. In my point of view, despite them being a man, they will always be boys at heart. They will always love almost the same toys. I think that they will always bring with them their fixations on what they love best. Most common would be the addiction over computer games. You could not get in between them and a great game. No matter how hard you try to contact him or grab his attention, he will still have his eyes on the computer. Your greatest rival: a computer. How pathetic is that? Another example of this notion would be: Men will always have their “boys”. There will be times that a guy would blow off a girl because of his friends. If you have a man that would choose you over his friends, you are one lucky girl. Though we also understand that we can’t make him choose between us and his friends- that’s a little selfish, but sometimes, it’s nice to feel that he wants to be with us more, that he had chosen us in his own free will. But most often than not, you end up giving up understanding him and resign to the idea that boys will always be boys.

Reading between the lines. Men often complain that they can’t read between the lines, that girls should just tell it straight. Well, I wish that they would take their own advice and tell it straight so that girls wouldn’t read between the lines. The problem with girls is that, we read between the lines too much. Sometimes, things get blown out of proportion because girls do this too much but this is not entirely our fault. If only he would tell it straight to us what exactly is he planning, what his actions meant, what his words meant, then we would not get the chance to read the meaning behind what he is saying or doing to us. We wouldn’t have to keep guessing then hoping only to get our hopes crushed because of a misunderstanding. And though we don’t expect them to fully understand our train of thought, we at least hope that they would be sensitive enough to understand what we are trying to say without really saying it out loud. We hope that they would be sensitive enough to notice the extra effort we put into looking good without explaining why we do, why we stare at their eyes when they speak, why we want to talk to them without really explaining why. We don’t expect them to read our minds; we expect them to be sensitive enough to be able to read between the lines.

These are just a glimpse of what tests girls’ sanity every now and then. I could go on and on listing every single detail, every single fact, but reality is: we can’t truly understand the inner workings of a man’s mind. We can only hope to learn the language they speak for us to be able to better decipher the words behind the actions or be a little more understanding when they are doing their thing or be a little more patient when they can’t read between the lines. Men are from Mars and women are from Venus, if this is true, it does not necessarily mean that we are bound to test each other’s sanity, we can always meet half-way.